Life Skills Handbooks

Life Skills, Activity 19: Communication: You and I

This is a single activity session plan from our book, The Life Skills Handbook, a book available in digital format (only)). There are 61 activity sessions in this book. Click here for more information on the book and how to purchase it

Purpose of activity:

• To learn ways of talking effectively to someone with whom you have a problem
• To practise making non-judgemental statements
• To practice making statements which open the way to discussion rather than close it.

Life skills: Communication & interpersonal relationships, selfawareness, critical thinking

Important points: This is a language-based activity so it needs to be adapted carefully.

 Materials: None

Steps:

1. Divide children into groups of three. Ask one of the groups to be an observer. The group prepares a 5-minute role play on an argument such as those below.

• Husband comes drunk.  Wife is angry with him. Husband blames the wife
• Father is angry with son/daughter because s/he does not hand in homework on time and is often out with friends
• Girl is angry with boyfriend because all he wants is sex
• Woman standing in bus with a baby on her back complains that the young people do not offer her a seat

2. Ask all the observers to come together in a group. Ask half of them to count the number of times the word YOU is used in each role-play and the other half to count how many times the word I is used.

3. Groups do their role-plays.  At the end of each one, ask the observers to say how many times YOU or I was used in each drama.

4. Explain to the people that YOU statements tend to be judgement statements which are often full of blame. They do not consider the point of view of the other side so they cause more conflict.  I statements usually try to clarify your point of view about a situation rather than to blame the other person. I statements help to find a way to a solution.  

5. Explain the steps in I statements.

• The action: When ...Make a specific and non-judgemental statement, for example, ‘When you come home late at night ...’NOT ‘When you finally decide to come home’
• The response: I feel...Your feelings are a fact and cannot be argued. For example…’I feel sad and hurt…’ NOT, ‘I think you don’t care’. ‘I think’ can cause more conflict if the other person disagrees with you.
• The reason: because...You can add an explanation but make sure that it is still a positive one and not a blaming statement, for example ’…because I like to have some time with you in the evening.’NOT ‘because you never do anything for me.’
• The suggestion: What I'd like is...Make a statement of the change you would like, for example, ‘What I’d like is to discuss this with you.’

You can take a break here

6. Remind the children of the ‘I’ statements. In pairs, ask the children  to discuss one of the conflict situations and to think of the ways in which the characters could use ‘I’ statements to avoid conflict and resolve the situation, for example: Father is angry with son/daughter because s/he never does homework and is often out with friends    I statement: When you do not do your homework, I feel disappointed because I want  you to do well at school. What I'd like is to discuss why you do not want to work at home?

7. Discuss the results of this exercise. Point out that I statements can be used in many different situations, in the market, in the bus, etc. Ask children to try using I statements at least once before the next session.

Final discussion:  What do you think of the I statement formula? Can you use it? Who do you think it could be more successful with? (adults?  peers?  partners?) Why?

Follow Up: Remember this formula and encourage the children to use it to resolve conflicts.

Click here for more information on the Life Skills Handbook and how to purchase it.   JOIN THE CONVERSATION on Linked in at our Life Skills Group

FREE Lifeskills Materials

The Life Skills Handbook provides advice and active learning activities for teaching life skills to young people. It supports and guides all people who plan, manage, teach or work on formal and non-formal education programmes. It can be adapted and used in different cultural contexts worldwide. The Life Skills Handbook is intended for use with young people aged 8-16. The activities need to be adapted to the needs, experiences of the young people you work with. Many people use the activities with adult groups too. View three FREE Life Skills activity sessions if you click here. For the complete collection of all 61 Sessions and sections on planning and training, buy the Life Skills Handbook here of £8.99.

 

If you have no means to pay and you think this handbook is just what you need, let us know and we will send it to you for FREE.

OTHER FREE Lifeskills Resources

• (Aids Alliance) A Parrot on Your Shoulder: A guide for people working with orphans and vulnerable children. (Clare Hanbury was part of the advisory and review team). This fully illustrated activity guide is aimed at those who working with OVC's. Drawing on the experiences of the Alliance, its partners, and other organisations working in the field, it gives some pointers on working with children, including cultural and gender considerations. It includes 30 activities for engaging children in group work, as well as fun ideas for ice-breakers and energisers, group work and co-operation, observation, active listening and analytical skills, drama, mime and role play, and painting and drawing. To download click the link here

• Bamboo Shoots. A training manual on child rights, child protection and child-led community actions for facilitators working with children and youth groups. It  was originally created by Plan in Cambodia. It was developed to: Increase children’s understanding of their rights as defined by the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC); raise children’s awareness of their rights and build their capacities to claim them; create opportunities for children to recognize, identify and prioritize issues and problems or gaps in relation to child rights violations; and provide opportunities for children to influence agendas and action regarding identified and prioritized child rights violations.To download, click the link here

• (Clare Hanbury) The Tricycle System.  This is a new framework for promoting children's participation in health and other child rights-related projects. It builds upon the 6-step Child-to-Child approach that I helped to develop as a result of many years of field work with The Child-to-Child Trust. New elements are ideas and activities developed out of work in mentoring, coaching and appreciative enquiry. For a free summary of the Tricycle System click here.

• (Clare Hanbury) We are On The Radio. A book and tape about children making radio broadcasts for other children and families about health and development issues important to them. This is only available from us. Please contact us to find out how to get hold of a copy!

• (Clare Hanbury) Monitoring and Evaluating Life Skills Projects for Youth Development for The Jacobs Foundation. (April 2011). For link click here

Monitoring and Evaluation Tools to Use with Children: Moving Circles

Lifeskills Activities

For those of you conducting life skills activities or life skills training with young people or adult facilitators, Here is the last of my series of 15 weekly posts on Monitoring and Evaluating Life Skills. Each of them are extracted from the Toolkit I developed for the Jacobs Foundation with the help of many of their field partners and which you can download for FREE by clicking here. Please find the Lifeskills Toolkit half way down the page under the heading, Intervention and Application. If you wish to have a hard (printed) copy please contact me with a short description of your work and why you would like the hard copy.  As always please comment on these posts and let's get a conversation going!

In the 'toolkit' download you will find lost of explanations and discussions about the different types of evaluation tools like structured and semi-structured interviews, role plays, surveys and types of survey questions. Also set out are some more qualitative methods like draw and write. In addition, there are twelve activities to engage children and young people and to stimulate discussion and information. Young people can feel uncomfortable in a formal interview or even a focus group discussion. A creative activity can helps to get their attention and focus and stimulate opinions. The informal chatting that happens during a creative activity acts as 'warm up' and often results in deep and interesting reflections at the end of the activity. Here is the list of activities in this section:
1.    CD Covers
2.    Collage
3.    Shields
4.    Masks
5.    The Most Significant Story
6.    Speech bubbles
7.    Picture This
8.    Builder
9.    Draw and write
10.   Moving Circles
11.   Image Theatre
12.   Fill in the blanks

Here is the activity on Moving Circles...

10. MOVING CIRCLES LIFESKILLS ACTIVITY

Before selecting this tool, remember to define the purpose of the evaluation, define your key questions and select or develop indicators that relate to the purpose and the questions. No materials are needed.

Process

1. Identify the area you wish to explore, e.g., a life skill or an indicator or broader themes and issues to do with the life skills project. This activity can be used with young people to evaluate their view of a life skills project or activity.
2. Young people make an inner and outer circle with partners facing each other. This can be quickly done by numbering the group either 1 or 2 and then making the number ones form the first circle facing out and the number 2’s stand opposite one person facing them.
3. Young people in the inner circle think of a problem or a response to a question, and ask their partner in the outer circle to suggest advice. The partner makes a suggestion.
4. After a few minutes, all the people in the outside circle move one place to the right. The children with problems ask the same question to their new partner in the outer circle.
5. The game continues.
   
6. Here are some questions that could be used:

• What were your hopes for the project?
• Were those hopes met?
  
• What was the best part of the project? Why?
  
• What was the worst part? Why?
• What was our biggest success?
  
• What would you do different next time?
• What is the biggest change in our community as a result of the project

7. Conclude with a general discussion on these same issues. The ideas and themes can be written on a chart. Young people can vote for the three issues they feel most strongly about. This can be done using a limited number of tick or stickers (3 or 5).

CASE STUDY (extract)

Moving Circles  was conducted in 45 mins with 17 girls aged 12–13 years. We introduced the session and asked the group what they know about research using these questions:

• What is research?
• What is it for?
  
• What kind of research have you heard of?
  
• What questions do you have?

We gave the group an example of opinion polls using the example of their favorite team in the world cup. We talked to the group about the importance of reviewing & reflecting after an experience, to improve it and invited them to participate in a research process. We placed questions on the wall:

• What did you think about the program at the beginning?
• In relation to the regular activities in school, how do you think this programme is different?
  
• What was your favorite part of the project? Why?
  
• What was the most important thing you learned about the program? Why?
  
• What was the biggest success of the program?
  
• What would you like to do different this year, in relation to the program?
  
• What is the biggest change in your school/grade as a result of the program?
  
• What new things would you like to do/discuss as part of the program?

We asked them to form 2’s or 3’s. Each group was given one question. They discussed what the program was about last year to help them create a second question. Groups paired up and interviewed each other taking in turns to answer and ask the questions. They then move on until every group has interviewed or been interviewed by every other group. They noted the questions and answers.

In the whole group, we asked the young people to discuss the experience. We collected papers and informed them that we would provide feedback. Each young person filled out a further individual survey of 10 questions.

For the full set of results please download the toolkit!

Soccer for Peace and Life Skills

I am working with the Jacobs Foundation at the moment on a life skills project and I have just come across these Soccer for Peace ideas from Futbol Con Corazon.

Soccer for Peace Methodology

The Soccer for Peace methodology uses soccer as a vehicle to attract children and teenagers to the organization, and provides them with the necessary mentoring and care to have a positive and lasting impact on their lives. With a different set of rules than conventional soccer, the methodology promotes gender equality and teaches conflict resolution.

Rules of the game

• A minimum of two girls and two boys per team.
• Each boy and girl participating in the program must play the same amount of time during the game.
• There are no referees. In their place are advisors (tutors), who act as facilitators. Conflicts that arise during the game must be solved by the players themselves.
• The first goal of each team must be scored by a girl.
• Children are encouraged to follow values, such as honesty, solidarity, respect and tolerance, and receive “Heart” stickers for doing so. They can also collect a “Heart” by scoring a goal during a game.
• The game consists of three periods. During the first period, all players agree to follow the rules of coexistence. During the second period, the game is played. During the third period, players evaluate themselves, as well as their opponents, and the final score is established.
• The advisor facilitates the agreements of coexistence during the first period and the self-evaluation in the third period. The advisor also mediates potential conflicts, and takes notes on the game.
• The winning team accumulates the most number of “Hearts”, which are then converted into points for the tournament’s scoreboard.
• If at the end of the tournaments, there is a draw, the team with the most “Hearts”, as a result of values applied during the game, will be declared the winner.

 

Life Skills: Planning a Life Skills Lesson or Session

A life skills lesson or session is the  block of time the educator has with the children to conduct a life skills activity or activities. A life skills session may have more than one activity depending on the time available, on the activity chosen and the methods used to conduct the activity.

When selecting an activity the educators must try to build on the content and outcomes of the previous session. Sometimes this might mean selecting an activity that will help to address a specific problem that arose. Educators should note interesting comments made by children and use these to plan other lifeskills work. An educator’s plan for a life skills session may have the following framework. The timings are a guideline only. For example, you may want to spend longer than 5-10 mins on an introductory activity and less time on the main activity.

Here's a sample plan

Sample Life Skills Activity Sessions 1/3

Self Awareness: My Place on the Tree

Purpose of activity: To develop children's self-awareness about their present lives.

Life skills: Self-awareness, critical thinking, creative thinking

Important points: Try to ask the children to think deeply about their place on the tree and to find reasons for their choices. If children find this difficult, do not worry but note what the children feel or do not feel able to say. The activity can be repeated in Part 3 when children have improved their communication skills. If some children do not want to speak in the group, do not force them, but let them think about their ideas and if possible talk about their ideas to one friend.

Materials

A copy of the tree picture on a large poster for all the children to see

Self Awarness: my place on the tree diagram

 

Steps

1. Show the children the picture and explain that the tree represents life. The people on the tree are at different stages of their lives. They are doing different things for different reasons.

2. Ask the children to think of a well-known character in your country, for example a famous sports star, a character from a folktale or a famous person. Perhaps this person feels like the person at the top of the tree because he looks sure of himself and powerful. She is smiling at everyone below her. She is pleased with her position! Ask the children which figure in the picture is like the famous person. (The children will probably have different ideas and different reasons – that's fine).

3. Show the children the figure(s) on the tree which show where you feel you are in life today. Explain the reasons for your choice.
For example: I feel I am like the person doing a handstand halfway up the tree with one hand off the branch. I feel like this because I am feeling full of energy and I feel I am doing something a bit different today by starting this life skills work with you. I am not sure if it will be fun or a bit risky!

4. Ask the children to choose one figure that is closest to themselves.

5. In pairs or small groups, children discuss why they identified with a particular figure. For example…

I feel like I am at the bottom of the tree waving and looking happy because I am just beginning the life skills (so I am at the bottom of the tree). I am looking happy because I hope the class will help me and I am waving at my friends who will be with me.

Final discussion:
Do we feel like different people on the tree at different times of the day or week? Were you happy to tell us about your figure? Why/Why not?

How To Organise Life Skills Topics

The most common way to organise Life Skills topics is to start with issues around the self, family and the immediate environment, and then move outward to wider social issues and finally to issues to do with the children’s future. In my Life Skills Handbook, the activities are grouped in this way: Part 1: Where are we now? Part 2: Moving forward Part 3: Our future. I'll be posting three sample activity sessions from the handbook shortly.

When planning your life skills programme, look first at any life skills activities being done in an existing school or programme. Then they need to think about the opportunities there are to increase or strengthen these existing activities. This can be done in a training workshop, by self-study, in a meeting with other colleagues or a combination of these. Planning a life skills programme TAKES TIME. The educator needs to be able to spend time planning the sessions, discussing it with colleagues and trying things out.

One programme suggests that for six months, 20% of the educator's time should be spent on this task! The Butterflies Programme in India, who tested the activities in the Life Skills Handbook with street children, commented: 'Encourage organisations to select the activities that they find fit together best, that can be facilitated with their children in a logical sequence, in a time available for maximum benefit.' They introduced many of the activities they tested using puppets and picture cards. They found that these methods helped to catch the children's interest and attention.

Life Skills: Important As A Part of Formal Learning?

Life skills are important because they give  children and young people more control to improve their lives. We all want life skills learning to work and have an impact on the behaviour and choices made by children and young people. In the UK, (and in many other countries) some of these Life Skills are embedded in the Primary and Secondary school curriculum. Although they are not often examined so one wonder how this part of the curriculum is managed (and prioritised) by busy teachers.

One of my soap box subjects is the central importance to the FORMAL curriculum and that this subject needs to be done in a self conscious way. It's not enough to say Life Skills are being developed through other subject areas. Yeah right! ...and I was not born to this opinions.  I am a convert and resisted for many years!

It’s important that while focusing teaching life skills that we keep an eye on three other key areas that make lifeskills learning work. These four key areas work are like the wheels on the bus. Some of you may already know my metaphor! These wheels they must all be pumped up and in good shape for the bus to move forward! These four areas are:

Life Skills: Planning A Life Skills Lesson Or Session

A life skills lesson or session is the block of time the educator has with the children to conduct a life skills activity or activities. A life skills session may have more than one activity depending on the time available, on the activity chosen and the methods used to conduct the activity.

When selecting an activity the educators must try to build on the content and outcomes of the previous session. Sometimes this might mean selecting an activity that will help to address a specific problem that arose. Educators should note interesting comments made by children and use these to plan other lifeskills work. An educator’s plan for a life skills session may have the following framework. The timings are a guideline only. For example, you may want to spend longer than 5-10 mins on an introductory activity and less time on the main activity.

Here's a sample plan

Life Skills: What We Need To Do To Make Programmes Work

There are many types of programmes for children with different aims, philosophical approaches and styles of working. It is possible to teach life skills separately or alongside literacy, vocational skills health and hygiene education or other elements.

To work well a life skills programme needs to have a strong support structure and skilled educators to work creatively with children.

 

 

Lifeskills programmes need support structures and skilled educators.

1. What are strong support structures?

• An organisation with a clear purpose
• The organisation has a statement of purpose or mission
• The organisation has policies, systems and procedures (including child protection)
• Staff have a clear understanding of the organisation’s purpose and objectives